Self-Love Candle Spell

The number one request that I have received from YouTube viewers is self-love spells. While I did do a self-empowerment jar spell video a while back, the two are not quite the same even if it is effective to work them both in conjunction. Today, I offer you a self-love spell as requested by Natalie Westwood.

One thing that I love about this spell is that it covers several bases at once. Although that means I must warn you: if you're looking for a simple spell, a "wham bam thank you, ma'am" for yourself, you might be better off going elsewhere. This spell is going to be broken down into a few parts and assignments, and some of them will be real work. Yes, you can just skip ahead to the candle spell portion and cast that on its own if you like, but this is a self-love spell! Don't you think you're worth a little more effort than that?

Instead of just handing over a list of ingredients, an incantation, and a few lines of instructions, allow me to guide you through a magickal process that will cover the magickal, the mundane, and the ongoing effort that is required for true, long-term self-love.

Keep in mind, this is not a self-improvement spell--although loving yourself more is an improvement. The distinction is that this is a self-acceptance spell. You are not attempting to change yourself, but to change the way you view yourself.

My final warning is to say that if you are in a truly dark place right now in your relationship with yourself, please consider casting this in addition to seeking professional help. Getting therapy is one of the greatest self-love practices that there is.

If you prefer video format, well, here you go. Otherwise, keep scrolling.

The Preparation

I am going to ask you to write a couple of lists. Take your time in writing them. Meditate over the prompts, sleep on them, journal about them. There is no need to rush the process. You may also find this task difficult, so please be kind to yourself and attempt to create the lists as if you are an objective outsider.

You will be writing about the good and the bad. Don't be surprised if something appears on both lists. I might write that I'm a hard worker on the former and a workaholic on the latter. They are essentially the same thing except a workaholic takes their hard work to the extreme in a way that often negatively impacts themselves and those in close relationships with them. Or one might say that they are humble on the good list and too judgmental of themselves on the bad. So yes, a quality can be both good and bad. For the sake of this exercise, the lists seem very binary, but it's okay to have the same quality on both lists.

Finally, these are no-nonsense lists. Be honest with yourself. If you're really struggling to add items to either list, you need to stop and take a healthy look at yourself. Nobody is perfect and nobody is a total loss either.

The Positives List

This is the fun list!... hopefully. In your rough draft, make a list of all of your good qualities. They can be emotional qualities, social, mental, skill-based, physical, talents, whatever you can think of. The first several will hopefully pop into your mind fairly easily. Again, take time crafting this list and write it as if you are an omniscient narrator who knows all about you, your life, actions, behaviors, thoughts, and intentions.

Don't just include things you know to be true whether others notice them or not. Include positive things that people compliment you on or point out to you, even if you don't always or don't ever agree. If more than one person has mentioned a positive quality that you disagree with, they're probably seeing something in you that you're not.

Once you have your list completed, you will write your final draft. First, this will consist of two parts: categories 1 & 2. Category 1 will be all the things that you struggle to see in yourself, that you had to really dig for, that others compliment you on yet you disagree with, or you feel is a trait you only sometimes carry. These should be at the top of the list because we want your spell to open your eyes to them! Category 2 will be all the things that came to mind quickly and easily, all the things you know to be true and agree with.

Second, when writing this list, your sentences should start with the word "I". "I am," "I have," "I can," "I make," "I [insert verb]," etc. You should also try to be specific. Instead of "I am kind," try "I am kind to people and animals." Instead of a general "I am talented" to cover multiple skills, try "I am a talented singer" and then "I am a talented dog trainer" and so on. Each aspect of you should be appreciated individually.

Now you have your final draft of The Positives List.

The Acceptance List

This is a list of things you do not like about yourself. That may seem like an odd thing to include in a self-love spell, but you'll understand in a moment. Again, because I cannot repeat this enough, be kind to yourself. Creating this list is not meant to be an exercise in beating yourself up or examining and dwelling on your flaws. This is not meant to be used as a punishment. If you start to feel crappy while writing it, stop for a moment and reread your Positives List (that's why I had you write it first 😉).

Take your time but don't dwell on an individual item for too long. Just be honest with yourself in the same way you would say to a beloved friend, "Hey, it bothers me when you [fill in the blank]." Let it come from a place of love and tactful self-critique.

You may also wish to include things from the past that you regret doing or not doing.

When you finish that rough draft, look it over and decide which items can be realistically changed with some effort. No, I don't mean something that could be changed if you dropped $20,000 on plastic surgery--for most of us, that's not realistic. I mean the things that you could improve upon with time, maybe some therapy, journaling, being more cautious with how you phrase things, exercising more patience, living a healthier lifestyle, and so on. These items will not be on your final draft.

Some items may be a bit of both, and that's okay. For example, I might write, "My anxiety disorder makes me isolate myself and ignore my friends which is hurtful to them." With effort and some help, I can work on the isolation and stop alienating friends. However, there is no cure for anxiety disorder. The former would be removed from the list, the latter would be added to my final draft.

If you included regrets and mistakes from the past, you should include these in your final draft. Although we can, in the present, sometimes follow through on things we regret not doing or make up for mistakes we made, we cannot go back in time and change what we did back then.

Side note: While those items that can realistically be altered will not be involved in this spell (as I mentioned, this spell is about self-acceptance, not self-improvement), it doesn't hurt to keep them on hand and later brainstorm ways you can begin to improve on them. Just wait until after you have completed this spell as that is a process and journey in itself.

Write up your final draft: a list of things that you cannot realistically change about yourself. Each item should start with "I accept." An example may be, "I accept that I have lines and wrinkles." Or, "I accept that I chose to drop out of grad school." And as I mentioned before, "I accept that I have general anxiety disorder."

Hopefully you see why writing a list of the things you don't like about yourself can be useful in this magick. You should now have the final draft of your Acceptance List.

The Spell

Before I jump to the list of ingredients, as always, please feel free to use your own personal correspondences and what you feel is right for you. Consider this spell a template with ingredients that I used as examples, not as absolutes.

Ingredients

• A candle that can be carved into - I'm using pink. Red or white are also good options, but you do you.

• An anointing oil - I am using a flower petal oil I made with my coven friends and charged in the Midsummer sun. Rose oil is also a good option.

• Any items you would like to add as candle dressing - I added crushed rose petals for love, bee pollen for friendship, and lavender for calm, anti-anxiety, and general positivity.

• Your final drafts: Positives List & Acceptance List

As it bears repeating, the specific color and items I'm using as well as the additional suggestions are only suggestions. Use what you feel is fitting for you.

You should also feel free to add additional items, if you like. I will be setting a rose quartz and a clear quartz at the base of my candle holder. They will not be used directly in the spell but will lend additional energy, so they are not required.

Steps

1. Lay both of your lists side-by-side on whatever surface you will be using for your spell work. Place your candle holder centered on top of them. For safety purposes, if you need to lay a sheet of tin foil between the papers and the candle holder, no biggie.

2. Imagine your candle has two horizontal lines on it, dividing it into thirds. On the top third, carve a symbol for strength and/or acceptance. I'm going to use the rune Hagalaz for this. You might consider carving a lion's head, a dove, or a self-made sigil. Whatever symbolizes strength and acceptance to you. This section will empower you to accept the flaws you cannot change.

3. In the middle third, carve a symbol for attention, awakening, revelation, opening your eyes to, or shining a light on. I am using a sun with an open eye in the center. This section of the candle will help you to see the positives that others see in you and maintain awareness of your good qualities.

4. On the bottom third of the candle, carve a symbol of self-love. I'm choosing a heart with my initials inside.

5. Dress your candle by anointing it with your oil (rubbing it down the candle, towards you as these are things you are manifesting and bringing toward yourself). Once coated, roll it in your herbs, spices, etc. Place it in the candle holder.

6. Light your candle. Envision the light from the flame expanding until it envelopes you. Let the flame soothe you. Feel your heart open and ready itself to accept you as you are. Feel peace and satisfaction wash over you.

7. Visualize what it would be like to love yourself as you are. How would your reaction to your appearance in the mirror change? Would you sleep better? Would you take more risks to find success in your life? Would rejection or failure scare you anymore, or would you accept it gracefully and move on to the next attempt? What would you feel free to do if you had more confidence and cared for yourself more?

8. Open your eyes and look into the flame. Recite the following incantation (edit this or improvise as you see fit):

I let go of self-consciousness

I let go of self-doubt

I let go of self-hatred

I grant myself the strength to accept what I cannot control

I grant myself the wisdom to see past my flaws

I grant myself the vision to see the best in myself

As I will it, so it shall be

9. Allow the candle to burn all the way through. Store your lists in a safe place.

The Maintenance

Self-love is an ongoing process. It will take more than just one spell to get the job done, but I'm not saying you need to repeat the spell over and over until you feel better. Some time down the line, you may feel the need to repeat the process because we all change over time and you may find new likes and dislikes about yourself. That's perfectly natural.

For now, keep your lists around. You may need them from time to time to uplift yourself or just for general contemplating. But also use them as a tool you help you start thinking better about yourself. If you ever find that you're beating yourself up over something, ask yourself, "What can I realistically change?"

If you identify what can be changed, great! You're one step down the path to changing it and you can make a plan of attack. If you identify what cannot be changed, then you are one step closer to acceptance. Rephrase these thoughts this way in your mind from now on. It's easier said than done, I'll admit, but you will never fully accept and love yourself until you put the work in to do so.

I also encourage you to spend time with yourself, if you don't already. Set aside time each day (or each week, if daily is unrealistic) to treat yourself to a journaling session, a bath, eat a meal, go for coffee, do some yoga, a walk, or whatever you like. Turn off the TV, music, podcasts, and other distractions and just get to know your own thoughts and mind. If you find yourself starting to veer into negative territory, either about yourself or something else, bring your thoughts back to the present and the pleasant activity you're partaking in.

I also recommend taking up daily meditation (when don't I recommend this, though?), which can help you build the skills required to stop yourself from dwelling on harmful thoughts and spiraling thought patterns.

This maintenance list is not all-inclusive. I just wanted to provide you with some free options that can be done easily without taking up too much time. If you have a favorite way of increasing your self-love, share it in the comments below.

May this be the start of a beautiful journey with yourself.